Super brainiac physicist Stephen Hawking announced that one of the greatest mysteries to him is…women. This man, arguably the world’s most well known theorist is man enough to admit that he can’t explain the female mystique.
Mr. Hawking…I applaud you. It takes guts to confess that you’re up against a force that can’t be explained or rationalized, especially when it goes against the very grain of your logic and mathematical reasoning. The measure of your I.Q. pales in comparison to that of your common sense.
The pendulum that swings between powerful and powerless has always had a male lean. I think it always will…and that’s not necessarily a bad thing…because it’s all a matter of perspective.
Now before you chicks start getting your tails in a knot and pelting me with tampons…hear me out. Safe to say most guys won’t read past “tampons” so it’s not like I’m in danger of revealing any secrets of the sisterhood.
I totally recognize how hard women fought for equality…I really think at the very core of it all, we wanted recognition. We wanted to be acknowledged and appreciated and compensated for our contribution to the world and to the family as much as our male counterparts.
But the simple freedom of equality should be across the board for all human beings, regardless of your genitalia and what you want to do with it.
Historically, men have been hunters and women have been prey…pursued, caught and conquered. In order for women to blend into the territory of the male, we had to change our plumage and learn to hunt too. We are prey…we are hunters…uh-oh…paradox.
It’s said that you can’t really tame a lion. You can put them in a cage and think that they are getting used to you, but in fact, they are lulling you into a false sense of security. You, in fact, are adapting to their environment. And when you least expect it, they turn on you and kill you.
Girls…we’ve been had. We walked into the cage with the lion and turned our backs. We’ve fallen into a trap. We’ve feminized men and they are using it against us. We’ve become hunters and the men have turned into creatures of flight. Men, unlike women, DON’T WANT TO BE CAUGHT.
And, once again, WE’RE DOING ALL THE WORK.
We need to take back our most powerful weapon…female mystique. Our mystery is what attracts men. And if we keep changing our plumage then they will think we are different prey and chase us again. They’re simple creatures and distracted by shiny silky things. And you can say what you want about it, but there is power in manipulation, especially if the end result is fun and involves some good wine and great romance.
My friend Patricia and I were out running today. It was warm and I needed to work off the gingerbread pita chips I had for lunch. About half way into our run, she reached into her pocket and her key was gone. We turned back and retraced our steps.
Two knights on a shiny Mule (a glorified golf-cart made to look like a monster truck with camouflage) pulled up and asked if they could help. We were RUNNING. They were DRIVING. You see where I’m going with this. Though we were totally capable of finding the key ourselves…we sent them off on their quest and a few minutes later, they drove back with grins on their faces and her key in their hand. We were all girlie thank-you. We finished our RUN and they DROVE off…all puffed up because they had saved the day. In a strange twist, though they found the key…we made their day. Our heroes…
Girls…there isn’t anything wrong with waving your own sword…just make sure it’s double-edged and you’re wearing a great thong under that armor.
Stephen Hawking says we are the biggest mystery in the universe. He has a big brain.
Day Three Hundred and Fifty Two…OO RAH!